palliation

October 22nd, 2008 by rukiakuchiki

me started a new job..

i dont feel quite competent..

worse, i feel suicidal..

everyones terminal, i can do nothing about it..

i cant help being non-empathic, and detached, or else tears will running down my cheeks and spine everytime i do wardrounds..

can u imagine your own relatives (i dont want to say mother, i love my mother) lying down on the bed, cant even help themselves to feed? cant even talk? words just dont come out right? and worse it coming out nonsense? pain shooting everywhere, from head to toe?

n i feel real bad about it.. not having the empathy, i mean..

y did they give me this rotation?

how can i cope till next year?

can i go back to cardiology please?

 

i cant think of any one reason why i want to be a doctor

but i can find a thousand of reason why i should quit

they make it hard on purpose

there are lives in our hands

there comes a moment when its more than just a game

and its either u take that step forward

or turn around and walk away

i could quit

but heres the thing

i love the playing field..

the people..

July 13th, 2008 by rukiakuchiki

Dscn2025_6 these people are leaving Galway and Ireland real soon..

6 years of close friendship, theyre are considered family.. im missing them already and will miss them ever so much!

horoscope

July 9th, 2008 by rukiakuchiki

tangan saje tekan kat sini —> taurus horoscope: If you have any health concerns, you should address them as soon as possible.

yes,, i do have health issue.. aku rase aku ade Wegener’s granulomatosis.. tapi bile aku address kat other doctors, dorang cakap aku hypochondriac pule.. camne?

now and then

July 6th, 2008 by rukiakuchiki

“hey roqiah. 9 o’clock tomorrow! Don’t let me catch you coming in early! Hope u had fun in

Galway

.”

I just got that text a moment ago. That’s from Dr JD, my new abang aka reg.. owh, had I told you that I moved place already. Now I’m officially a Cork-ian (have been a Galwaegian for 6 years, that actually sounds pretty weird eh?). yada yada.. I survived the first week as an SHO!

The last week of June and the last week of being the intern is actually quite horrible! (unlike yours eh Marisa?) I have sooooo many patients and AB my partner has already took her days off! Bayangkan yeee.. kerja hari isnin (30/6/8) as an intern kat Galway, then nak ke Cork untuk start keje as an SHO,, and also oncall as a 1st year SHO on the very 1st day on that very Tuesday (1/7/8)?!?! Mmg isnin aritu adalah hari yg sangat intense bagi aku.. kene run surgical day ward in the morning, setel

kan

nearly 30 patients kat ward, the other team kat clinic in the evening, teater admissions, clinic admissions, n I was actually trying to go back early to catch transport to

Cork

that day! Intense.. sangat intense! Mmg nangis!

But I was lucky to have soo many good frens! Thanks to miss EKA yang telah pon offer her shoulder to cry on… she actually said this: “nah, nah ni bahu nih,, nangis kat sini”.. sob sob,, hang lenkali takleh cakap camtu,, tanak aa nangis kat spital! Kekekeke… and thanks to miss MARISA yang sudi jadi dedicated co-driver ke cork the weekend before last. Kalo ko tak teman sian aku sesat sensorang kat

Cork

tatau nak bebel kat sape. Dah laa aku pon rabun cam ko! And thanks to miss MIRA yg kasi on-going moral support! U moved me! Kekekek.. And thanks to incik BALOK yg telah sudi anta aku malam2 bute ke Cork.. kalo die tak anta mmg aku nangis terus balik meysia aa nampaknye!

N how time flies! Tak lame lagi most my frens are going home! Waaaaa!!!

Sian

aa aku nnt kalo dorang takde! Sape aku nak buli! Kekekeke! Intense ni perasaan! Dah laa aku ni jauh dari

Galway

.. Sebab aku perantauan kat

Cork

ni, n aku rindu sangat kat dorang tu laa aku drive sensorang dari Cork-Galway. 1st time ni bawak kete jejauh camni.. manual lak tuh. I first bought my license when I was 17.. which is nearly 10 years! (OMG, im old!).. and ever since I got the license I only drive an automatic car! 1st time bawak kete manual kat sini nih, actually my manual driving skill isn’t too bad! Actually not bad at all.. kekkekekek.. im proud! (Hey, look at

Ireland

road first, then only can your judgement be fair!) Plus I tak penah bawak jauh.. paling jauh for this 10 years record is from JB-pontian.. kakakka! Tak impressive langsung.. so as of today, I actually made a new achievement! Yeay me!

Ok aaaa,, sudah mau redi for tomoro, and im looking forward to “balik kampong” to

Galway

again this coming weekend to meet all my dear girls and frens again. N plus that sauna! (yes JD I really had a fun weekend here in my kampong in

Galway

)..

Til then, cheers!

CANT WAIT 2

May 28th, 2008 by rukiakuchiki

the worst week which was last week is over!

yes!!!

teruk aa last week.. oncall 3x in a week,, every other day mmg tiring, n it took each and every bit of me away… sampai rasa hilang kewujudan dalam diri dan alam maya ini.. plus bapak tiri (Mr D) ku yang jahat dan telah berbuat jahat kat aku.. hang ingat aku heran sangat pendapat ko?!?!? bleh jalan yeeee.. ive no concern too!!

but today is good! im postcall.. my lovely partner kasi balik awal (before 12!!).. ponteng keje g town,, blikan some stuff for my mum (lovely lovely!!).. then balik snipers tgh prepare nak buat barbeque.. tdo petang.. bangun2 jee makanan sume dah siap bakar!! tinggal makan saja!! alangkah kegembiraan! plus dah lama tak borak2 sampai pengsan ngn all the other snipers… tinggal kat shantalla-rahoon ni agak depressing juge!

plus.. tomoro nite im gonna start my journey back to malaysia! isnt it great???!! takde mood nak keje esok dah!! hahaha!! sebbaik bapak tiri aku yang jahat itu away ke boston!! yes.. aku nak ponteng keje lagi sok.. hope my partner wudnt mind.. again..

yeay!!! cant wait!!! its gonna be a surprise to them back in malaysia… ngeeeehhehe!!!

AMARAN: jgn ponteng keje,, tak baik.. aku takpe.. aku mentally not  100% healthy.. and for that i issue my own sick cert.. i need some break.. ;p

cant wait!!!

May 18th, 2008 by rukiakuchiki

im in dr res at the moment.. n found this in my horoscope:

"It’s time to take a break from taking things seriously. Keep things light and fun".

yes.. for me life is a game.. tapi ade orang nasihat.. kat lam qur’an ade cakap, terjemahan kepada tafsirannye lebeh kurang berbunyi begini: "dan dunia ini bukanlah satu permainan…"

dadadadadada.. apekah yg ku merepek ini.. time check: 2219.. saya sangat ngantuk.. sapi saya takleh tdo.. kerana saya kene buat APTT sat gi.. ni patient hang laa ni eka.. ;p saya harap the rest of the night wouldnt be sooo busy.. as im gonna be oncall again tuesday… yeah.. and thursday..

cant wait to…. errrr.. having another holiday.. ;p

today is the day

April 22nd, 2008 by rukiakuchiki

i found that i:

tend to be lazy and overly relaxed

pleasantly stubborn

seek security and stability,

rather than fame and fortune

blessed with strong willpower

avoiding any kind of commitments

devoted to routines

but detest the predictables

love indulgence

generally prefer to shy away

and keep things to myself

it is a good day today, and hence these random thoughts about meself… what say u?

what fits your busy schedule?

April 12th, 2008 by rukiakuchiki

merasa tidak sihat.

merasa tidak fit.

merasa tidak best.

im no athelete.

but i do exercise once in a while.

when i feel like to.

i jog sometimes.

i play squasy with marisa on weekends (rarely ;p).

tried to play tennis with no joy.

not good at team play such as basketball, or futsal, but i do enjoy that.

it has been aaageeeeeesss since i last exercise.

even so when i started working.

most enjoying exercise would be kuak lentang on the bed these days.

envy those boys yg g main bola after work.

when i do orthopedics, i only exercise once every month.

that is when im oncall - on weekends.

i put on my scrubs, put on my trainers, wear a jacket, stuck an earpiece of my mp3, and do a little running to the hospital.

and do the same when im going home after finishing the call at 5.

ari ni terasa mahu exercise juga.

kerana merasa tidak sihat.

merasa tidak fit.

merasa tidak best.

marisa oncall.

mana yg lain2?

~~~

what fits your busy schedule better? exercising one hour a day, or being dead 24 hours a day?

best. day. ever.

February 27th, 2008 by rukiakuchiki

yesterday would be the bestest day that ive ever had… ermm well.. at least thats what i feel at the moment..

pagi2 sampai ofis (err ward..) dah jumpe pleasant pleasant people.. everybody seems to be in a good mood.. im in a good mood too! =D

spend the day chatting with one of my patient who is a world class rower.. layan die reminiscing his time in malaysia a few years ago.. then went to the doctor’s office layan abang2 sho and kakak2 reg borak.. dari topic hampeh seperti strategi2 terbaik untuk cari gelfren baru,, discussion pasal maksud di sebalik name,, usya2 wedding dress kat web,, kutuk2 anorexic models,, sampai laa ke bab anotomi hidung manusia.. n bile sampai topic hidung jee,, aku pasti digelakkan oleh orang ramai.. because of the tiny lil small nostrils of mine.. (En D kalo bace ni jgn gelak cam aritu ehh.. sakit hati ini! ;p).. ciss camne dorang bleh sampai bab idung aku pon tak paham..

anyways, untuk menunjukan kepada anda semua yg saya ni pegi hospital buat keje lah juga.. maka sampai lah kite ke part yg paling best.. iaitu:

pabila habis check one of my patient kat st rita’s ward, and book all the investigations yg ayahanda devitt dah pesan, maka saya pun pulang ke tempat asal saya, iaitu di st finbarr’s ward (ward spesel untuk orthopaedic patients).. ward clerk bagitau ade present menanti kat dr’s room.. hmm saya pun kepelikan laaa.. seingat aku hari tu ward clerk cakap ade present untuk aku, it turned up to be my parcel, barang yg aku bid kat ebay.. kekkeke.. tapi aku takde bid pape pon lagi.. camne leh dapat parcel lagi nih..

lalu dgn sangat curious, disertai kejelesan sho2 lain, maka aku pon bukak laaa parcel ituuu.. guess what? ngeeehehehhe.. aku dapat ni:

Cimg0082_3

100 euros voucher brown thomas from one of my patient whom i managed the week before last.. as a token of appreciation.. amacam?

as for me.. aku sgt terkejut yeee.. ye aaa.. slame 8 months sengsara keje as an intern (err takde laa sengsara mane pon.. kekeke..).. ade aaa 2 kali dapat present dari patient.. 1st time kat castlebar, dapat a box of chocolate,, and 2nd time was last month, dapat a box of roses.. standed aa kan.. ermm.. but 100 euros?? adekah die ni mmg suka bagi sedekah amal jariah kepada mereka yg memerlukan, seperti aku? ngeehehhe..

anyway,, papepon.. ni laa part2 bilamane aku rase best jadi doctor.. kekekke… bestkan… bestkan…

shopping brown thomas this weekend.. anyone?

recapture the memories

February 17th, 2008 by rukiakuchiki

2008/02/17

So you want to be a candidate

Aniza Damis and Tan Choe Choe

Whether top party man or rank outsider standing as a candidate, come nomination day, you or your election agent  will have to get to the nomination centre to file your papers, like what former prime minister Dato Hussein Onn did  on nomination day  30 years ago at the Batu Pahat Land Office in Johor. Hussein was contesting  the Seri Gading parliamentary seat.
1978: Whether top party man or rank outsider standing as a candidate, come nomination day, you or your election agent will have to get to the nomination centre to file your papers, like what former prime minister Dato Hussein Onn did on nomination day 30 years ago at the Batu Pahat Land Office in Johor. Hussein was contesting the Seri Gading parliamentary seat.

EVEN before we are born, while our mother is gasping in pain, a form has to be filled in to admit her to the maternity ward.

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When we enter school, we have to fill in a form every school year. We learn to fill in our name, our father’s and mother’s names, residential address, height, weight, Melayu, Cina, India dan Lain-lain, and our ambition when we grow up - lawyer, doctor, engineer.

So, you would think that when it comes to filling in a Nomination Form during elections, a candidate would get it right. It’s a cinch, isn’t it?

But who can forget Shamsiah Rosidah bte Brahim’s heart-felt wailing on TV when she realised she had been disqualified from contesting - on a technicality.

If nowhere else, Johor is a Barisan Nasional stronghold; proud of its 100 per cent victory record.

That was shattered in 2004 when Shamsiah gave her opposition challenger, Mohd Ramli bin Md Kari from Pas, a walkover for the N24 Senggerang, Johor, state seat.

Shamsiah was inconsolable, embarrassed, and, for a period, went into hiding, because so many people were angry with her.

Her mistake? Her proposer and seconder were not registered voters in the constituency she intended to contest.

Who would have thought?

We are not going to teach you how to fill in the nomination paper here. You can read all that in the Election Commission’s booklet, Ketelusan Urusan Penamaan Calon Dalam Pilihan Raya (Transparency in the Process of Candidate Nomination in the Elections).

But there are a few things that a candidate should know about Nomination Day.

In essence, there are only five things that matter on Nomination Day:

1. The nomination period is very, very short. Between 9am and 10am on nomination day. So, whatever you do, don’t oversleep, don’t choose to go to the toilet at that time, and don’t get stuck in a traffic jam during that hour.

Just get to the correct Nomination Centre on time, or it’s over before it starts. The Election Officers are not going to care - Adios! Come back for the next election.

2. Even though someone is supposed to propose you and someone else is seconder, the reality is, you, the candidate, choose these people to put your name up. Like the rest of your life, you have to choose your friends very very carefully, otherwise they will ruin your life.

Make sure that both the proposer and seconder are registered voters in the constituency you intend to contest.

Make sure they are not bankrupts.

And make sure they turn up at the Nomination Centre on time, too.

"In Batu Talam, one candidate was left desperately standing at the nomination centre, because his proposer and seconder did not come to the nomination centre, and they hadn’t signed the nomination form. So, he was unable to contest," said Election Commission secretary Datuk Kamaruzaman Mohd Noor.

3. Submit the correct nomination paper.

A person contesting a Parliamentary seat has to submit Form 4 (nomination form) and Form 5 (statutory declaration). A person contesting a State seat has to submit Form 4A and Form 5A.

It’s that simple.

Fill in the nomination papers properly - don’t do it in a rush. You don’t have to wait for the nomination day and hour to fill in the nomination paper.

You can buy the necessary forms from any Election Commission office for RM20 a set. These forms became available as soon as the dates for nomination and election were made known.

So, go out and buy them now, sit down and fill it in. Make sure the information is correct, and then sign it. Get your proposer and seconder to sign it, and then get the witness to sign it, too.

Forms have to be filled in triplicate, that is, in sets of three each. And use only the national language, Bahasa Malaysia, to fill in the forms.

And then, on nomination day, all you have to do it submit it at the right Nomination Centre, between 9am and 10am.

The nomination papers can be submitted by either the candidate, the proposer or seconder, or all three.

4. Pay the deposit. RM10,000 for a parliamentary seat, and RM5,000 for a state seat. This is non-negotiable - either you have it, or you don’t contest.

"In Pengkalan Pasir, Kelantan, an independent candidate did not take along enough money for the deposit. He wanted to borrow the remainder from the Returning Officer," said Kamaruzaman. Obviously, this is not allowed.

Preferably, a candidate should pay the deposit ahead of time, before the nomination day. This is because a candidate might forget to take along the deposit, and to get RM10,000 in less than one hour is nearly impossible.

"You can pay the deposit to the Returning Officer, or at the State Election Office," said Kamaruzaman. "The deposit has to be paid either in cash in Malaysian Ringgit only, or by bank draft. Personal cheques are not accepted."

"So, on nomination day, all the candidate has to do is to produce the receipt."

5. Having submitted your nomination form, you then have to wait one short hour to know whether your nomination has been accepted or not. It may be rejected if you have not filled in the forms correctly, or if it is found that you have been disqualified from being a member of parliament or state legislative assembly.

The list of how you can get disqualified is quite long. Many candidates, however, get disqualified because they didn’t submit their election expenses form after the last elections.

This can disqualify a candidate for five years from the time the last election results were gazetted. If this happens to you, don’t even bother coming to the nomination centre on nomination day.

So, there you have it. All the most important things you need to know about being a candidate on nomination day.

It is actually interesting to note, that while the proposer and seconder have to be registered voters in the constituency, and the voters have to be registered in the constituency, the candidate himself does not have to be a registered voter to contest in the election!

–> my mum called me early this am, telling me that my late father is in the news. i was like… what???  then she tells me all the stories behind the above pic… and i asked her.. which paper is that.. she said nst.. i browsed, and found the pic.. allahyarham ayah in front of dato hussein onn.. kekekekke.. there was a funny story behind that, being the reason i laugh.. but im not going to tell u.. (merely because im not in the mood of writing.. and im going out for squasy now..).. even we dont have that collection in the album.. found in the paper, after 30 years the pic being taken.. and after 10 years he rested in the blessings of Allah..

nways, Al-fatihah untuk allahyarham ayah.. and also, to allahyarham papa eka, my good fren’s father who just passed away a few weeks ago, a good father to his children, a respected fren among his colleague, a pleasantly humourous uncle, ive ever known..